Update: We talked briefly last night. We are going to talk tonight after work. She admitted last night, that there are some topics that we should have talked about years ago, that are causing issues with her now. I have no preconceived notions as to what the end result of the discussion and potentially discussions will be. I'm leaning more toward Joe's advice of taking a break for a few weeks or a month or so. If we spend time apart and our lives become less stressful and we are ok without being around each other then I say we go that direction. If we find, after we spend some time apart, that we genuinely want to be together, then we have had some time apart to think of how we can do things differently and progress.
We'll see how tonight goes. Maybe it will bring about new appreciation for one another and a better way of discussing disagreements will surface. Maybe this will be the last conversation that we have. Either way, something will be done.
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Originally Posted by CTinline-six
Yup, and compromise can't be one-sided, as in one person is doing all the compromising to fit the other's life. Lady Jane's post is a perfect example of this, the guy basically expected her to change her whole life for him, which is unrealistic and certain to fail.
King Rudi I'm sure the sex is great but if that is the only thing holding this relationship together, I can't imagine it lasting long if the other parts of the relationship aren't great. Life is too short to be unhappy, and the fact that you are questioning your relationship and seeking the advice of a bunch of random BMW owners on the interwebz speaks volumes.  Would you want to go through the constant breakups for another 6 months? Another year? The longer you go through this I think the more difficult it will be. |
as much as I care about this girl, self preservation is top priority. This hasn't always been the case. Honestly, the sex is a bonus. Aside from her temper and the "my stuff comes first" mentality, everything else is great. It's the reason(s) that this has lasted as long as it has. I agree, if it doesn't change, the harder it will be in the future. Thank you sir.
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Originally Posted by fiveohwblow
King Rudi I’ve followed the last year or so of your postings and still don’t know much about your relationship other than good sex.
What drew you to each other? Does it still?
Are you able to open up and be vulnerable to share these little intimate things that lead to intimate moments, or are you now more reserved based on the 5 times you’ve practiced being alone with each other?
What commonalities do you share, aside from the sex? Are you the definition of opposites attract? While it’s a neat saying, I’ve found the “attract” in that statement to have a short shelf life. There’s a fine balance between the intrigue you gain from someone who is your antithesis and the bonds of shared passion.
Lastly, and likely the most important question, to what end? The WHY behind being in this relationship coupled with what your desire is or how you would define success will really tell a tale. If at five years an ocd person such as yourself has not achieved the intended result, definition of insanity perhaps?
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I'm assuming your line of questioning is rhetorical but still, we have a lot in common; same sense of style, love horror movies, we both despise the general public and public places, both of us are a little dark, twisted and sadistic. We are opposites in personalities, but we both hold the same values in home, parenting, work ethic, etc. Our core values are very much in line with one another. True, we have been at this for 5 years, but the desired end result isn't really an end result. We are both damaged people to a degree, perhaps a little more so on my end. Neither of us are interested in being married. The structure of our relationship is a bit different due to this. Most people date, then progress is made culminating in marriage, this is not the desired end result. To put it in driving culture assimilation, we aren't going around the track trying to beat anyone's laptime, we are going around the track to enjoy the drive itself and push each other to do better. If our relationship stands the test of time, I would have no issues co-habitating with her, without being married. I've been married twice, both relationships were good until.....the day after the wedding. Everything changed. We are also of the the belief that marriage only invites the church and state into your relationship.....this isn't necessary. If I so choose not to be with someone, I don't feel that I should have to pay another person, to file some paperwork to make this happen. I guess this is the caffeinated way of saying marriage isn't the goal for either of us.