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      11-26-2020, 01:11 PM   #143
DETRoadster
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
OK that's worse than it sounds, this is not about sex, she's just shut down.

It may just be the mundanity of family life has hit her, she may not even know it. Kids now front and centre and she doesn't have the energy to be connect. Has her body shape changed, women get pretty sensitive about that and can go quiet.

Either way, poster above was right, it's something in her head.
Yeah, spot on man, spot on.

Tambohamilton, this is about her, not you. You're doing all the right things from what I can see. You're reaching out to her trying to connect, you're expressing your feelings and emotions, you're even in counseling for yourself.

I have some close friends going though a divorce that was spurred by a similar situation. The wife was terrified of the husband leaving but at the same time was unable and unwilling to give him the emotional and physical attention he was very clearly and patiently expressing a need for. They were going to couples counseling and he was seeing someone for one on one counseling. Bottom line, she has some deep rooted emotional issues she's never faced and dealt with from childhood. She's terrified to face them and has elected to shut down and just retreat from her husband and their marriage, instead of going through the pain of addressing what she tried to burry years ago. She got on anti-depressants and made some small changes here and there but ultimately couldn't do the real work and its now all falling apart. He's moved out. Formal divorce papers being drafted. it really sucks. They were together for 30 years. We've all been friends since highschool.

Anyway, bottom line, your partner not being able to bring herself to even give you a hug is 100,000% about her, not you. Think about that for a moment. She cant even give you a hug when you tell her you need one? I mean, I could see some random person on the sidewalk who looked sad and if they said "Hey, I just need a hug", well sure thing, here you go buddy hope you feel better. It literally takes nothing to give someone a hug. So assuming there's not something you're not telling us like she discovered you're secretly a mass murder, this definitely is centered in her head.
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