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You're right - it is a bit confusing.
The setting you describe about shutting the car off when you walk away. That's for the iDrive system. You can have it set so that the iDrive shuts off when you open the door, or stays on. So after you drive, you stop the engine, open the door, the iDrive will shut down.
What's happening in your case is the automatic start stop is activating when you stop the car, so when you get out and walk away the car shuts down completely. I'm guessing you have a 2021 version that does not have the A.S.S. button to turn it off. On my car if I have A.S.S. on, get out and walk away the car shuts down as if I turned off the engine. However, if I turn A.S.S. off, and do the same thing, the car keeps running.
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