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Becuase of the shape of the port, it's either going to connect or it won't. You can't mess it up. You may be trying to "meathead" the plug and pushing it in further than it really needs to. It should only take a small amount of force to install and take out - maybe about 5 pounds or less.
As far as bimmercode not connecting - make sure you have it setup to use the enet adapter and not another adapter. My setup is enet to lightning because I have an iPhone - works every time.
once you have the adapter plugged in, I always put the car in diagnostic mode - I don't think this is required anymore, but I do it anyway. To put the car in diagnostic mode simply press the start engine button 3 times (without having your foot on the break pedal). You should see "diagnostic mode" pop up at the bottom of the gauge cluster.
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