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First - I think you did the right thing by ordering the car with 21" performance tires. That is the option that increases the speed limiter to Germany restricted 155 MPH (option 840)instead of artificially cutting it to 130 MPH that you get with all season tires.
Plus - you get much better handling and braking/cornering which maximizes your car potential.
All season tires are well known for not excelling in any categories - they are so so in the dry and so so or bad in the winter.
So - you are ahead of the game. You have V rated performance summer tires. All you need now is Performance winter tires - and you'll be all set. You can get V rated winter tires as well. In US it is not important to have aggressive snow tires that people use in Finland or Russia for driving on packed snow. They plow in minutes here and we drive on cold wet pavement most of time. So pick max performance winter tire like Michelin Pilot Alpin 5 for SUV and you'd be able to drive 155 in the winter on the cold roads and still be great in snow (unless you go major off roaring).
As for Run flats - they are much better than they used to be but still have limited availability, sacrifice performance and comfort, cost a lot and can not be permanently repaired. But they provide that piece of mind that you won't have an immediate blow out on the highway and your wife can drive home with a flat tire and not get stuck on the highway.
I usually take run flat all seasons off after some miles and store them to return the car with. I use regular tires - performance for winter and max performance summer. I carry a jack and electric pump at all times with patch/ plug kit and can repair small issues on the side of the road. Or call AAA.
One more thought - if you buy 20" 275/45/20 package with rims from tire rack - you do not have to dismount the tires every season - major pain on RFT tires. and you'd be able to rotate 4 wheels.
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