Fake vs. Genuine People. How do you tell the difference?

Soul_Glo · 12-23-2022, 02:31 AM

May be it’s old age. I thought I was a good judge of character but I am no longer sure I can tell the difference.

Recently I have been struggling with how my wife’s brother treats her.

He’ll pop up when he needs something. When she wants to meet he always cancels plans so she can’t see nephews. Sometimes I feel like he might even be in a subtle competition with her. She says to me that he is all she has since her family were wiped out by ill health. I think he is a combination of fake and genuine.

So how do you tell the difference?
What is fake to you?
What is genuine?

Yours,

SG

Tambohamilton · 12-23-2022, 02:53 AM

You can tell the real ones because they say "I'm a real boy". I read it in a book.

Soul_Glo · 12-23-2022, 03:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

You can tell the real ones because they say "I'm a real boy". I read it in a book.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cBTwgUwf76A

Wonderful summation by the FILF (Fairy I’d Like..) if I was Geppetto: Brave, truthful, unselfish…

My brain this morning:

https://youtu.be/U60oGYWZ92U

Time to get back to sleep.

King Rudi couldn’t find the ‘I can’t sleep so I am posting at night’ thread.

Oldgixxer · 12-23-2022, 08:09 AM

Born,raised&spent 51yrs living right outside NYC...takes me all of 2mins during a convo to figure out if:
-you're an asshole
-you're full of shit
-you're legit
-you're fake
-if I'll write you off on the spot and never make eye contact with you again

Recently moved down South and the only thing thats different than above,is it only takes me 1min down here

ASAP · 12-23-2022, 08:14 AM

I think the best examples of this come at work... i can figure out within 5 minutes if you are full of BS...

The question becomes, do you call the BS out or do you roll with it? Calling it out often gets you in trouble... so unfortunately the BS is often accepted and that is the way of life.

In everyday life... if someone is telling you grandiose stories, it's easy to do some research and figure out if its true. One - uppers, this is another tall tale symptom... It's also always worth it to see how people spend their money vs how they are saying they will... this will tell you their true nature. Last but not least are opportunists... people that only pop up when it's convenient for them but in every other scenario, they disappear or never show.

NYG · 12-23-2022, 09:14 AM

Lived in NYC almost my entire life and a few years in Miami

Easiest people to identify as fake:
1) Virtue signalers
2) People that can't maintain eye contact
3) Men that can't shake a hand
4) Overly nice people that can't say no
5) People that talk about others behind their back
6) Complacent people

The most genuine people that I've ever met/worked with are blunt and coarse. As much of an asshole you may think they are, they'll be the first ones to give their shirt off their back to you and help you. People that say what they think without social pressure influencing them are almost always the best people at the end of the day. The people that always make you feel good and say all the right things are the first ones to stab you in the back.

ASAP · 12-23-2022, 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NYG

Lived in NYC almost my entire life and a few years in Miami

Easiest people to identify as fake:
1) Virtue signalers
2) People that can't maintain eye contact
3) Men that can't shake a hand
4) Overly nice people that can't say no
5) People that talk about others behind their back
6) Complacent people

The most genuine people that I've ever met/worked with are blunt and coarse. As much of an asshole you may think they are, they'll be the first ones to give their shirt off their back to you and help you. People that say what they think without social pressure influencing them are almost always the best people at the end of the day. The people that always make you feel good and say all the right things are the first ones to stab you in the back.

That last paragraph I couldn't agree more with...

Point 2 to me is always an oddity because I have always found it super weird to stare into people's eyes lol.

NYG · 12-23-2022, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASAP

That last paragraph I couldn't agree more with...

Point 2 to me is always an oddity because I have always found it super weird to stare into people's eyes lol.

There's levels to it for sure - it's always something I pay attention to when I interview new guys. Sometimes it's anxiety, intimidation, etc... but keeping eye contact and having to "reset" yourself here and there isn't really a red flag. It's the ones who physically can't look you in the eye.

Maynard · 12-23-2022, 09:36 AM

Really most of this is about 'feel' - eye contact, handshakes, PC/virtue signaling, all of it is factored into your 'gut'. And if you meet enough people you will learn that your gut can be really wrong, because it only knows what you've met before. Gut feelings are about consistency, not really workability. The eye contact is a classic one that is so culturally dependent that it isn't useful across the board - in dominant western culture it works to distrust those who won't make eye contact, but in many other cultures it is quite disrespectful to do that. I hear it a lot from hispanics in the military, where they either learn to make eye contact with superiors, or get labelled as 'shifty' or worse. Another one that gets me personally is body space - some cultures just want to stand right up on you so you are touching shoulders, and it creeps me out, I have to intentionally remind myself that it isn't personal (looking at you, Minnesota).

erickonphoenix · 12-23-2022, 09:40 AM

I can't read people at all so I just go by their history of behavior and my interactions with them. If I start getting inconsistent or negative experiences from them I'll stop engaging with them.

I'm certainly in the same boat with the OP.

My mom's youngest sister is a real piece of work. Convicted of fraud, embezzling an inheritance from one of her nieces, and breaking apart a couple of ex-husbands estates. I typically don't have to interact with her but if I do it's little more than a hello.

Not that she was hard to spot but early in my teens my pop's told me to avoid that woman at all costs. and certainly never get in business with her. As soon as he died, what did mom do? Went into business with her sister then promptly blew 50k keeping it afloat until the business was shuttered.

So, believe me I know all too well how a person's wants can blind them to realities of character.

tranquility · 12-23-2022, 10:02 AM

OP, I think you sell yourself short, you saw through your BIL right away.

I hate to toot my own horn but somehow one of the things I'm ok at is knowing if they are sincere or have an agenda pretty quickly.

JMcLellan · 12-23-2022, 10:39 AM

OP, it's tough when there is a family dynamic like you state. Ideally you just don't associate yourself with disingenuous people but not as practical when they are relatives.

I usually pick up pretty quickly when people are not genuine and try to stay away.

floridaorange · 12-23-2022, 12:18 PM

How old is he - does he have little kids, what city did he grow up in what kind of work is he in?

Without knowing this I couldn't begin to give feedback. People go through seasons of self preservation for various reasons - and that can feel like fakeness when really it's just a person doing their best in that season - I tend to try to extend grace.

But without having lunch or some chips and queso together one on one — you'll just never know for sure.

3.0L · 12-23-2022, 12:40 PM

The schrader valve?

BRAKE! · 12-23-2022, 02:35 PM

Intuition. You’re judging the overall self-conscience of a person. Rarely does it come down to a single act, what they said/did (unless they have a pathological psychiatric disorder).

Rather, your subconscious mind will pick up subtle cues such as body language, overall feel to make that determination. Essentially, you are leaving the decision up to your primitive brain which is highly developed in all of us from evolution. Case in point, even children can pick out when something/someone doesn’t feel right.

My other rule is… if I have to wonder if you’re a good person or not, then you aren’t. Wonderful, trust worthy people aren’t wishy washy.

Soul_Glo · 12-23-2022, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by floridaorange

How old is he - does he have little kids, what city did he grow up in what kind of work is he in?

Without knowing this I couldn't begin to give feedback. People go through seasons of self preservation for various reasons - and that can feel like fakeness when really it's just a person doing their best in that season - I tend to try to extend grace.

But without having lunch or some chips and queso together one on one — you'll just never know for sure.

Mid 40’s. Boy: 2 and Boy: 4. Works as a Finance Controller. Grew up in NJ.

floridaorange · 12-23-2022, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soul_Glo

Mid 40’s. Boy: 2 and Boy: 4. Works as a Finance Controller. Grew up in NJ.

Now we are getting somewhere. NJ men, from my experience, are extreme self preservation types, and you can pretty much forget getting a read on them

. Toss in the terrible 2 yr old and the 4 yr old and he's just barely keeping his head above water right now.

Parents tend to have amnesia when it comes to what it's like raising 2 young kids (i had a feeling he had a young one or 2 at home). It's a very specific season, a lot like being around 2 drunk people 24/7. They are impossible to reason with so you do a lot of "parenting," lets say.

Having personally known a good handful of NJ guys, I can definitely say with full confidence, I much prefer NJ women

.

Toss in there the pandemic, a breakdown of community and connectivity and he's both had a baby during lockdowns and raising his 2 now 4 yr old.

The guy is likely an emotional wreck who barely recognizes himself. He probably needs several hugs and a night out with the guys.

Poor guy

He'll come back around eventually, like when his oldest is close to 9/10.

2000cs · 12-23-2022, 04:22 PM

My wife is MUCH better at this than I am; I tend to give people too much benefit of the doubt and too much time to prove they’re assholes.

But I have learned that fakes, liars and cheats generally are consistently so, thus a bit of Internet sleuthing gives me some good hints. Reputation still matters, it just travels differently.

2008M36MT · 12-23-2022, 06:57 PM

What does this ability have to do with NYC?

dmatre · 12-23-2022, 09:12 PM

My experience:
Judge men by how they interact with you.
Judge women by how they interact with others.

Shitty women can shine you on, but will treat others (waiters, cashiers, valets, etc) like trash. Avoid these at all costs.

sygazelle · 12-23-2022, 10:33 PM

Fake people care about recognition and are willing to compromise their beliefs (if they have any) to be recognized. Fake people can also be counted on to act in ways that benefit themselves regardless of the impact on others.

Genuine people care less about recognition and will not compromise their beliefs to be popular. They will also do things for other people out of kindness and compassion.

Maestro · 12-24-2022, 07:17 AM

I’m not one of those who can tell if someone is fake/real honest/untrustworthy in short period of time. But my try and true method is just watch what they do. If their actions do not match their words, or the word always come across better than their actions they are not someone you should trust.

Their is an old saying never trust a lier but always trust a thief. You know the thief will steal from you but never know what is true with lier.

I personally met too many people who talk a good story but when it came to relying on them they never show up.

12-23-2022, 02:31 AM	#1
Soul_Glo Major General 13347 Rep 7,484 Posts Drives: G20 Join Date: May 2013 Location: Manhattan, NYC iTrader: (1)	Fake vs. Genuine People. How do you tell the difference? May be it’s old age. I thought I was a good judge of character but I am no longer sure I can tell the difference. Recently I have been struggling with how my wife’s brother treats her. He’ll pop up when he needs something. When she wants to meet he always cancels plans so she can’t see nephews. Sometimes I feel like he might even be in a subtle competition with her. She says to me that he is all she has since her family were wiped out by ill health. I think he is a combination of fake and genuine. So how do you tell the difference? What is fake to you? What is genuine? Yours, SG
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12-23-2022, 02:53 AM	#2
Tambohamilton Brigadier General 3058 Rep 3,910 Posts Drives: E91 330d Join Date: Apr 2019 Location: Herefordshire iTrader: (0)	You can tell the real ones because they say "I'm a real boy". I read it in a book.
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12-23-2022, 08:09 AM	#4
Oldgixxer Captain 1916 Rep 807 Posts Drives: nothing fast Join Date: Jan 2020 Location: The Lowcountry,SC iTrader: (0)	Born,raised&spent 51yrs living right outside NYC...takes me all of 2mins during a convo to figure out if: -you're an asshole -you're full of shit -you're legit -you're fake -if I'll write you off on the spot and never make eye contact with you again Recently moved down South and the only thing thats different than above,is it only takes me 1min down here __________________ -'24 X5MC,'22 430i -'09 Busa,'05 GSXR-1K(GT28R turbo)'00 Busa(GT3582) Gone but not forgotten: -'22 X3MC,'20 M550i,'18 X2,F30 328xi,'07 E63 AMG (1st W211 63 in the 11s),997 C4S Cab,CLS55 AMG,E55 AMG,C55AMG
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12-23-2022, 08:14 AM	#5
ASAP Major General 10163 Rep 8,626 Posts Drives: '23 X3 M40i Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: FL iTrader: (0)	I think the best examples of this come at work... i can figure out within 5 minutes if you are full of BS... The question becomes, do you call the BS out or do you roll with it? Calling it out often gets you in trouble... so unfortunately the BS is often accepted and that is the way of life. In everyday life... if someone is telling you grandiose stories, it's easy to do some research and figure out if its true. One - uppers, this is another tall tale symptom... It's also always worth it to see how people spend their money vs how they are saying they will... this will tell you their true nature. Last but not least are opportunists... people that only pop up when it's convenient for them but in every other scenario, they disappear or never show. __________________ 2 x N54 -> 1 x N55 -> 1 x S55-> 1 x B58
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12-23-2022, 09:14 AM	#6
NYG Brigadier General 10744 Rep 3,690 Posts Drives: Audi R8 Join Date: Feb 2017 Location: Brooklyn, NY iTrader: (0)	Lived in NYC almost my entire life and a few years in Miami Easiest people to identify as fake: 1) Virtue signalers 2) People that can't maintain eye contact 3) Men that can't shake a hand 4) Overly nice people that can't say no 5) People that talk about others behind their back 6) Complacent people The most genuine people that I've ever met/worked with are blunt and coarse. As much of an asshole you may think they are, they'll be the first ones to give their shirt off their back to you and help you. People that say what they think without social pressure influencing them are almost always the best people at the end of the day. The people that always make you feel good and say all the right things are the first ones to stab you in the back.
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12-23-2022, 09:36 AM	#9
Maynard Colonel 3848 Rep 2,873 Posts Drives: 228iX & M2C Join Date: Mar 2016 Location: Upstate NY iTrader: (1)	Really most of this is about 'feel' - eye contact, handshakes, PC/virtue signaling, all of it is factored into your 'gut'. And if you meet enough people you will learn that your gut can be really wrong, because it only knows what you've met before. Gut feelings are about consistency, not really workability. The eye contact is a classic one that is so culturally dependent that it isn't useful across the board - in dominant western culture it works to distrust those who won't make eye contact, but in many other cultures it is quite disrespectful to do that. I hear it a lot from hispanics in the military, where they either learn to make eye contact with superiors, or get labelled as 'shifty' or worse. Another one that gets me personally is body space - some cultures just want to stand right up on you so you are touching shoulders, and it creeps me out, I have to intentionally remind myself that it isn't personal (looking at you, Minnesota).
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12-23-2022, 09:40 AM	#10
erickonphoenix Lieutenant 1728 Rep 536 Posts Drives: 2014 Gray 328xi Touring Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Houston TX iTrader: (0)	I can't read people at all so I just go by their history of behavior and my interactions with them. If I start getting inconsistent or negative experiences from them I'll stop engaging with them. I'm certainly in the same boat with the OP. My mom's youngest sister is a real piece of work. Convicted of fraud, embezzling an inheritance from one of her nieces, and breaking apart a couple of ex-husbands estates. I typically don't have to interact with her but if I do it's little more than a hello. Not that she was hard to spot but early in my teens my pop's told me to avoid that woman at all costs. and certainly never get in business with her. As soon as he died, what did mom do? Went into business with her sister then promptly blew 50k keeping it afloat until the business was shuttered. So, believe me I know all too well how a person's wants can blind them to realities of character. __________________
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12-23-2022, 10:02 AM	#11
tranquility sportscars only 3245 Rep 3,198 Posts Drives: 2011 Z4 sDrive 35i Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Montréal iTrader: (0)	OP, I think you sell yourself short, you saw through your BIL right away. I hate to toot my own horn but somehow one of the things I'm ok at is knowing if they are sincere or have an agenda pretty quickly. __________________ The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars. One third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance, interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I do, stock and real estate speculation...It's bullsh*t. I create nothing. I own. We make the rules, pal...Now you're not naive enough to think we're living in a democracy, are you buddy?
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12-23-2022, 10:39 AM	#12
JMcLellan Major 2065 Rep 1,198 Posts Drives: 2024 M2 Join Date: Mar 2022 Location: MN iTrader: (0)	OP, it's tough when there is a family dynamic like you state. Ideally you just don't associate yourself with disingenuous people but not as practical when they are relatives. I usually pick up pretty quickly when people are not genuine and try to stay away. __________________ 2024 M2 2019 M240i- Sold
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12-23-2022, 12:40 PM	#14
3.0L Colonel 8937 Rep 2,010 Posts Drives: M235i, 20k miles Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: California iTrader: (0)	Fake vs. Genuine People. How do you tell the difference? The schrader valve? __________________ ///M235i \| Mineral Grey Metallic \| Premium Package \| Technology Package \| Driver Assistance Package \| Dakota Coral Red/Black Leather \| Harman/Kardon Premium 360 watt sound system \| 8-speed automatic When writing your life's plan, use a pencil with an eraser
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12-23-2022, 02:35 PM	#15
BRAKE! First Lieutenant 843 Rep 322 Posts Drives: 718 GT4 Join Date: Aug 2021 Location: USA iTrader: (0)	Intuition. You’re judging the overall self-conscience of a person. Rarely does it come down to a single act, what they said/did (unless they have a pathological psychiatric disorder). Rather, your subconscious mind will pick up subtle cues such as body language, overall feel to make that determination. Essentially, you are leaving the decision up to your primitive brain which is highly developed in all of us from evolution. Case in point, even children can pick out when something/someone doesn’t feel right. My other rule is… if I have to wonder if you’re a good person or not, then you aren’t. Wonderful, trust worthy people aren’t wishy washy.
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12-23-2022, 04:22 PM	#18
2000cs Captain 3503 Rep 1,004 Posts Drives: Potato Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: USA iTrader: (1)	My wife is MUCH better at this than I am; I tend to give people too much benefit of the doubt and too much time to prove they’re assholes. But I have learned that fakes, liars and cheats generally are consistently so, thus a bit of Internet sleuthing gives me some good hints. Reputation still matters, it just travels differently.
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12-23-2022, 06:57 PM	#19
2008M36MT Private First Class 590 Rep 118 Posts Drives: M3 Join Date: Sep 2022 Location: Best Coast iTrader: (0)	What does this ability have to do with NYC?
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12-23-2022, 09:12 PM	#20
dmatre Captain 665 Rep 740 Posts Drives: 2011 328i Sedan Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: The Carolinas iTrader: (0)	My experience: Judge men by how they interact with you. Judge women by how they interact with others. Shitty women can shine you on, but will treat others (waiters, cashiers, valets, etc) like trash. Avoid these at all costs.
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12-23-2022, 10:33 PM	#21
sygazelle Brigadier General 11421 Rep 3,408 Posts Drives: 2014 328i M-Sport, 2019 X5 40i Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: San Francisco iTrader: (0)	Fake people care about recognition and are willing to compromise their beliefs (if they have any) to be recognized. Fake people can also be counted on to act in ways that benefit themselves regardless of the impact on others. Genuine people care less about recognition and will not compromise their beliefs to be popular. They will also do things for other people out of kindness and compassion.
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12-24-2022, 07:17 AM	#22
Maestro Major 1013 Rep 1,268 Posts Drives: 2007 335i Sedan, 2021 X3 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Philadelphia iTrader: (0)	I’m not one of those who can tell if someone is fake/real honest/untrustworthy in short period of time. But my try and true method is just watch what they do. If their actions do not match their words, or the word always come across better than their actions they are not someone you should trust. Their is an old saying never trust a lier but always trust a thief. You know the thief will steal from you but never know what is true with lier. I personally met too many people who talk a good story but when it came to relying on them they never show up.
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