[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Chelsea_Tractor

What the hell brother? So she just woke up one day and decided she wasn't in love? Sounds like a piece of work. Swindling money. Jeopardising the well-being of children.

I don't think she was ever in love. She saw me as a means to support her financially. One of the things that she said to me years ago, that always stuck with me, "If I have to go back to work before before our son is born, I will leave you and take you for everything you have." She used our children as a way to get every penny she could from me or from the state. We were in court so often, with her trying to constantly modify child support to get more money, that the ladies that worked at the child support office started taking my side. One actually apologized to me for the financial state that the system was leaving me in.

There was a time when the tables were turned. Her brother was forced to put her on payroll. She then had to report her earnings for the year and I took her to court to get the child support straightened out. Once the numbers were calculated, it left her getting $35/month (lowered from $600/month). She went ballistic in the courtroom and was threatened by the judge. She refused the amount, which required us to have a hearing. In the hearing I agreed to 200% of the amount calculated and she agreed, she was never good with math. After she agreed and judge stated for the record she agreed to $70/month, she threw her file folder full of papers at me from across the courtroom. This amount being paid only lasted for a few months as she got fired from her job later for not showing up to work on time. Her brother sold the car lot, but he stayed on to manage the business. The new owner did not take kindly to her lack of ambition. A few short months later we were back in court adjusting child support again. Due to her lack of employment, it did not end well for me.

Be careful who you get pregnant gentlemen.

[obert]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I don't think she was ever in love. She saw me as a means to support her financially. One of the things that she said to me years ago, that always stuck with me, "If I have to go back to work before before our son is born, I will leave you and take you for everything you have." She used our children as a way to get every penny she could from me or from the state. We were in court so often, with her trying to constantly modify child support to get more money, that the ladies that worked at the child support office started taking my side. One actually apologized to me for the financial state that the system was leaving me in.

There was a time when the tables were turned. Her brother was forced to put her on payroll. She then had to report her earnings for the year and I took her to court to get the child support straightened out. Once the numbers were calculated, it left her getting $35/month (lowered from $600/month). She went ballistic in the courtroom and was threatened by the judge. She refused the amount, which required us to have a hearing. In the hearing I agreed to 200% of the amount calculated and she agreed, she was never good with math. After she agreed and judge stated for the record she agreed to $70/month, she threw her file folder full of papers at me from across the courtroom. This amount being paid only lasted for a few months as she got fired from her job later for not showing up to work on time. Her brother sold the car lot, but he stayed on to manage the business. The new owner did not take kindly to her lack of ambition. A few short months later we were back in court adjusting child support again. Due to her lack of employment, it did not end well for me.

Be careful who you get pregnant gentlemen.

Please replace Wife and Ex Wife with Devil and Ex Devil

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by obert

Please replace Wife and Ex Wife with Devil and Ex Devil

It's all good. She is now living the recourse of her actions/lack thereof. The only thing that bothers me about this is that now she is mooching off my children as they are now adults. She stunted them from progression as children and is now preventing them from furthering themselves financially as adults. She currently owe's my 20 year old son $700.

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

In 2009, I went from making a very comfortable living, being married, two kids, a couple of cars and a nice house; to being unemployed, house in foreclosure, divorced and going to food pantry type places to get food to feed my kids.

I trusted the woman whom I was married to with the finances. HUGE mistake! I never found out where my money went, but X% was suppose to go into savings, while the rest was to go towards mortgage, bills, child care expenses etc. I made more than enough money to cover all the expenses and then some. I find out, while out of town on business, that I was flat broke. When I got home, 3 days later, I find that the wife had moved herself and my children out. I filed for divorce. Two weeks later, when I make the mortgage payment, I find out our home is in foreclosure, as the wife had not been making the mortgage payments. I sell the home, move into an apartment, then 2 months later the company I worked for, changes hands and they let everyone go above manager level. Within a 3 month time frame, I go from being employed, married with kids, the home, etc. to being so poor I can't afford to feed my kids.

In the meantime, the ex-wife gets food stamps, government assistance, works for cash for her brother, files for unemployment, is awarded $600/month child support, lives in her aunts home for free - without having to pay any utilities, plus due to working at her brother's car lot, drives whatever car she wants home, thus not having to pay for gas, car payment or insurance. I didn't have two nickels to rub together and had done nothing but work my ass for years. I was pissed, so I did something about it....

For the next 10 years, I work my ass off doing everything I can to make money. Now I live in a nice home that is paid for, have a great job for the area that I live in, drive a decent car and my bills are paid each month with enough left over to save and some to play with. By no means am I rich or loaded, but I am comfortable. She has since been fired from her job at the car lot, therefor no longer has a free car, no more government assistance, no more food stamps, no more child support from me and is completely falling apart. Although she ruined me financially for close to 15 years, I still hate to see this happen. One could say that this is karma. If I were a lesser man I would take delight in watching her suffer as she put me through absolute hell for many years; but i would much rather see her take control and do something about it. I don't expect this to ever be the case. The lesson here is that free rides don't last long. Those that take advantage of the system and use their children as a means of financial support will eventually get what is coming to them. Hard work and perseverance eventually pays off.

Damn man......our lives parallel one another's so much it's scary. I went through almost word for word what you did.....except I got custody because she was so focused on a "drunk" that filled her mind with stuff I never did.

Even after all that, I never had any malice towards her.....I just wanted her to get her life together.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Rmtt

Damn man......our lives parallel one another's so much it's scary. I went through almost word for word what you did.....except I got custody because she was so focused on a "drunk" that filled her mind with stuff I never did.

Even after all that, I never had any malice towards her.....I just wanted her to get her life together.

I think the same when I read some of your posts. It's cool that someone can relate though. As much as she made my life a living hell, I don't have any ill will toward her.

Anytime that she is discussed, I am reminded of this and can only blame myself.

[UncleWede]

We were almost signed on the construction loan for the house expansion. Mortgage guy shows up with papers to sign, THEN says "Now where are you getting the 10% contingency in cash?"

WTF??? You have all my bank records, you know I don't have any more money. So I went and sold my Harley. Covered the 10%, but then to add insult to injury, they wanted PROOF that I sold my bike. "Come look in my empty driveway" I had to get the dealer to write the bank a letter that they bought my bike - SMH



I know, first world

[eluded]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Be careful who you get pregnant gentlemen.

Amen

I've read lots Of investment advice and they say the biggest mistake you can do financially is to get divorced.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by eluded

Amen

I've read lots Of investment advice and they say the biggest mistake you can do financially is to get divorced.

I agree and disagree with this. Short-term (over a 10 year span) it financially crippled me. Long-term, being divorced from her now is providing me financial freedom that I never had before and that I wouldn't have now if I was still with her. Ten years is a long time to struggle, but worth every second of the struggle now; not only financially but mentally and emotionally. Sometimes what is best for you in one area will wreak havoc in other areas. Being mentally, emotionally, physically and financially stable is a very delicate balance....and a lot of work.

I saw a motivational speaker years ago who opened with, "When people ask me how I am, I say that I am grand! Why? Because a divorce would cost me 10 grand."

I feel like I need to somewhat clarify on the subject that I touched on in this thread. Everyone needs to focus on what is important to them. At that time in my life, I felt like being married and having a family was more important than being financially secure. The reason behind this is that I came from a broken home at an early age and never really felt a sense of family. Unfortunately I chose poorly when it came to the woman I started the family with. I could have had the family that I always wanted, along with financial security, had I made better decisions on who I associated with during those years of my life. My struggle throughout this entire ordeal is based solely on my poor decision making. It cost me more than just money, but as everyone does, I learned from my mistake and corrected the behavior.

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Be careful who you get pregnant gentlemen.

Originally Posted by eluded

I've read lots Of investment advice and they say the biggest mistake you can do financially is to get divorced.

As usual, Now_Rudi throwing down advice that's better that what you get in any book.

Divorce may be costly, but it's because it's worth it. Can you imagine the mental and emotional impact of staying in a marriage with someone toxic? Someone who despises you? Someone who actively works to bury you? How could you ever pull yourself up and be financially successful in such a situation? Best to cut bait and start over.

Put the books down and just listen to Judy/Rudy/Tootie.

[upstatedoc]

right now

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

As usual, Now_Rudi throwing down advice that's better that what you get in any book.

Divorce may be costly, but it's because it's worth it. Can you imagine the mental and emotional impact of staying in a marriage with someone toxic? Someone who despises you? Someone who actively works to bury you? How could you ever pull yourself up and be financially successful in such a situation? Best to cut bait and start over.

Put the books down and just listen to Judy/Rudy/Tootie.

Thank you kind sir. I will say that the best advice comes from the fools who lived hard and made terrible decisions. I've always told people to stand back, watch and do not do the same stupid shit I do. Wisdom comes from stupidity. Hang out for 5 minutes, I'll do something completely idiotic again and have another pearl of wisdom for everyone!

I can still remember my father telling me, "I can tell you all day long not to touch something because it's hot. I do this to protect you. It's as if you don't want the protection, you want to know just how hot it is." Another one I remember from him was, "Your learning process costs me a fortune in emergency room visits."

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

right now

It's the girlfriends with stripper names. Find a girl named Beth and save your money sir.

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

As usual, Now_Rudi throwing down advice that's better that what you get in any book.

Divorce may be costly, but it's because it's worth it. Can you imagine the mental and emotional impact of staying in a marriage with someone toxic? Someone who despises you? Someone who actively works to bury you? How could you ever pull yourself up and be financially successful in such a situation? Best to cut bait and start over.

Put the books down and just listen to Judy/Rudy/Tootie.

^ This. Nice Italian, Catholic girl, I took those words "Till death do us part" very seriously and stayed way longer than I should have. Healing emotionally was way harder than dealing with the financial loss.

[Yapakanichi]

After my bills were paid I had no money for food once, tried filing for food stamps, nope made too much.

I also ate popsicles for food once for like 2 weeks. Yea thats not the most fun.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

^ This. Nice Italian, Catholic girl, I took those words "Till death do us part" very seriously and stayed way longer than I should have. Healing emotionally was way harder than dealing with the financial loss.

Same here.....in both marriages. Clinging, for life, to the edge of cliff too scared to fall; all the while there were pillows 2 feet below me.

Money comes and goes just as people do, the trick is to find quality people and quality ways of generating wealth.

[Grumpy Old Man]

I took a job in a small norther Ontario town when I finished college, in my chosen field. The job had a number of different areas that all spoke to me, but I was primarily working on a medical research study regarding Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy for MS. The study was in partnership with a leading Canadian Medical School. As the study was winding down it was clear that my career path in this town would change drastically, I could have stayed but not doing what spoke to me. My ex and I moved to Toronto while I tried to get onto the Police Department. We took a cheap, dumpy basement apt, she was able to get a minimum wage job that barely covered the rent, we has some savings and by the time I got hired I was cashing in empty milk jugs and beer bottles that I took out of recycling bins to buy Kraft Dinner.....that went on for months and months......not the worst but it was tough.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by knowthebattle

After my bills were paid I had no money for food once, tried filing for food stamps, nope made too much.

I also ate popsicles for food once for like 2 weeks. Yea thats not the most fun.

Something I've noticed throughout the years. People who work their asses off usually have empty refrigerators. People who are poor/are on government assistance always have more food than they can eat....and are usually overweight.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Grumpy Old Man

I took a job in a small norther Ontario town when I finished college, in my chosen field. The job had a number of different areas that all spoke to me, but I was primarily working on a medical research study regarding Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy for MS. The study was in partnership with a leading Canadian Medical School. As the study was winding down it was clear that my career path in this town would change drastically, I could have stayed but not doing what spoke to me. My ex and I moved to Toronto while I tried to get onto the Police Department. We took a cheap, dumpy basement apt, she was able to get a minimum wage job that barely covered the rent, we has some savings and by the time I got hired I was cashing in empty milk jugs and beer bottles that I took out of recycling bins to buy Kraft Dinner.....that went on for months and months......not the worst but it was tough.

I'm also going to bet that this was some of the best times of you life as well. Am I right?

Some of the best times in my life were when we had to get creative for food and entertainment.

[Yapakanichi]

It's kinda weird now honestly. I always said I'd never take a handout. But here I am unemployed, accepted that work is too stressful for my mental state, and am collecting disability. I feel like a mooch sometimes, but know I'm not. Maybe one day my mental state will be better, but for now I'm gonna take it easy.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by knowthebattle

It's kinda weird now honestly. I always said I'd never take a handout. But here I am unemployed, accepted that work is too stressful for my mental state, and am collecting disability. I feel like a mooch sometimes, but know I'm not. Maybe one day my mental state will be better, but for now I'm gonna take it easy.

Brother there is no shame in taking care of yourself mentally. We all take on more stress than we should at times. Get yourself sorted out mentally. Physical and mental health is far more important than financials. Mo' money - mo' problems.

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Thank you kind sir. I will say that the best advice comes from the fools who lived hard and made terrible decisions. I've always told people to stand back, watch and do not do the same stupid shit I do. Wisdom comes from stupidity. Hang out for 5 minutes, I'll do something completely idiotic again and have another pearl of wisdom for everyone!

I can still remember my father telling me, "I can tell you all day long not to touch something because it's hot. I do this to protect you. It's as if you don't want the protection, you want to know just how hot it is." Another one I remember from him was, "Your learning process costs me a fortune in emergency room visits."



It's the girlfriends with stripper names. Find a girl named Beth and save your money sir.

LOL...Oh my god. Same here. I remember my dad telling me that....then 5 minutes later saying...."Hot wasn't it?"!

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

^ This. Nice Italian, Catholic girl, I took those words "Till death do us part" very seriously and stayed way longer than I should have. Healing emotionally was way harder than dealing with the financial loss.

You too? The Catholic guilt is overwhelming and caused me to do the same. Why is divorce expensive? Because it's worth every penny!!

[Rmtt]