Possible explanation for there being no male agony aunts...

dxb335d · 01-13-2012, 04:17 PM

Possible explanation for there being no male agony aunts...

Dear Jim,
Last week I left for work as normal but having only gone a mile or so, my car broke down. I had to walk home again, and on arriving home I found my 16 year old babysitter handcuffed to the bed in her school uniform with my husband bent over her!I am devastated! Can you help?

Dear Sally,
A common cause for this is dirt in your carburettor. Don't let your fuel drop too low in the tank.
Hope this helps.
Jim

Brian mc21 · 01-13-2012, 04:31 PM

At last someone to help. Something similar. Yesterday my bike broke down two minutes from home so I decided to push it home. Got it to the house and bent down to have a look around the engine. Whilst doing so I noticed my wife at the bottom of the garden giving some guy a blow job. I sat and watched until they were finished then I went inside. What do you think. Am I a pervert.

dxb335d · 01-13-2012, 04:34 PM

Dear Deidre I was watching my next door neighbour's daughter sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was knocking one out I turned to notice my wife just stood there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?

dxb335d · 01-13-2012, 04:35 PM

My mate Paddy was among the rioters who ransacked Argos in Manchester last night...he's got 500 catalogues if you want one ?

Brian mc21 · 01-13-2012, 04:45 PM

How much are they.

zltm089 · 01-13-2012, 07:47 PM

LOL

John320d · 01-14-2012, 09:34 AM

£1000 prize crossword in the irish times newspaper and if you are only doing it for fun the answers are on the back page

dxb335d · 01-14-2012, 09:34 AM

LOL

ZURICH · 01-14-2012, 06:16 PM

DEAR DEIRDRE
I am a sailor in the merchant navy. My parents live in South London and one of my sisters, who lives in Brixton, is married to a guy from Kirkby in Ashfield.

My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Wormwood Scrubs for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in Wandsworth on remand centre on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who indeed is still a part time 'working girl' in a brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD.

We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancee utilising her knowledge of the industry working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would at least get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin.

My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.

Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being a Kirkby lad

JJD · 01-14-2012, 06:46 PM

My wife has worked as a magician's assistant for years now. I think she has picked up a few tricks.
I came home from work early today and she was in the bedroom. She said, "Abracadabra!" and my mate, Dave, came out of the wardrobe, stark naked.

Poor bastard must have wondered what the fuck was going on

ZURICH · 01-14-2012, 06:59 PM

Dear Deidre,
I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be. When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred...then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door...

There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.

Deidre, should I tell my fiancee what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character? Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?

01-13-2012, 04:17 PM	#1
dxb335d The Tarmac Terrorist 949 Rep 29,345 Posts Drives: 997.2 GT3 Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: ''Fandango Towers'' iTrader: (3) Garage List 2010 Porsche 997.2 GT3 [9.50] 2003 BMW E46 M3 [6.00] 2007 BMW E92 335D [5.50]	Possible explanation for there being no male agony aunts... Possible explanation for there being no male agony aunts... Dear Jim, Last week I left for work as normal but having only gone a mile or so, my car broke down. I had to walk home again, and on arriving home I found my 16 year old babysitter handcuffed to the bed in her school uniform with my husband bent over her!I am devastated! Can you help? Dear Sally, A common cause for this is dirt in your carburettor. Don't let your fuel drop too low in the tank. Hope this helps. Jim __________________ 997.2 GT3
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01-13-2012, 04:31 PM	#2
Brian mc21 Major 39 Rep 1,031 Posts Drives: E91 320d M Sport Join Date: May 2011 Location: Belfast. Northern Ireland. iTrader: (4)	At last someone to help. Something similar. Yesterday my bike broke down two minutes from home so I decided to push it home. Got it to the house and bent down to have a look around the engine. Whilst doing so I noticed my wife at the bottom of the garden giving some guy a blow job. I sat and watched until they were finished then I went inside. What do you think. Am I a pervert. __________________ E92 330D LCI Garage List NSR 250 MC21, CBR 600RR 3 RVF400
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01-13-2012, 04:34 PM	#3
dxb335d The Tarmac Terrorist 949 Rep 29,345 Posts Drives: 997.2 GT3 Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: ''Fandango Towers'' iTrader: (3) Garage List 2010 Porsche 997.2 GT3 [9.50] 2003 BMW E46 M3 [6.00] 2007 BMW E92 335D [5.50]	Dear Deidre I was watching my next door neighbour's daughter sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was knocking one out I turned to notice my wife just stood there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert? __________________ 997.2 GT3
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01-13-2012, 04:35 PM	#4
dxb335d The Tarmac Terrorist 949 Rep 29,345 Posts Drives: 997.2 GT3 Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: ''Fandango Towers'' iTrader: (3) Garage List 2010 Porsche 997.2 GT3 [9.50] 2003 BMW E46 M3 [6.00] 2007 BMW E92 335D [5.50]	My mate Paddy was among the rioters who ransacked Argos in Manchester last night...he's got 500 catalogues if you want one ? __________________ 997.2 GT3
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01-13-2012, 04:45 PM	#5
Brian mc21 Major 39 Rep 1,031 Posts Drives: E91 320d M Sport Join Date: May 2011 Location: Belfast. Northern Ireland. iTrader: (4)	How much are they. __________________ E92 330D LCI Garage List NSR 250 MC21, CBR 600RR 3 RVF400
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01-13-2012, 07:47 PM	#6
zltm089 Banned 244 Rep 7,690 Posts Drives: 335i SE Coupe Space Grey Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: LONDON iTrader: (0) Garage List 2006 BMW 335i [10.00]	LOL
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01-14-2012, 09:34 AM	#7
John320d Lieutenant 31 Rep 559 Posts Drives: BMW 320d E93 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Manchester UK iTrader: (0)	£1000 prize crossword in the irish times newspaper and if you are only doing it for fun the answers are on the back page
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01-14-2012, 09:34 AM	#8
dxb335d The Tarmac Terrorist 949 Rep 29,345 Posts Drives: 997.2 GT3 Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: ''Fandango Towers'' iTrader: (3) Garage List 2010 Porsche 997.2 GT3 [9.50] 2003 BMW E46 M3 [6.00] 2007 BMW E92 335D [5.50]	LOL __________________ 997.2 GT3
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01-14-2012, 06:16 PM	#9
ZURICH Major 41 Rep 1,153 Posts Drives: E91 320d Touring M Sport Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Wettingen iTrader: (0)	DEAR DEIRDRE I am a sailor in the merchant navy. My parents live in South London and one of my sisters, who lives in Brixton, is married to a guy from Kirkby in Ashfield. My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Wormwood Scrubs for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in Wandsworth on remand centre on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who indeed is still a part time 'working girl' in a brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancee utilising her knowledge of the industry working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would at least get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin. My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being a Kirkby lad __________________ M Sport Package, (PDC), front / rear, Cruise control Mystic Blue Metallic, Beige Dakota leather, Alarm, Automatic transmission, Panoramic glass roof, Heated Seats, Lumbar etc etc "I don't Fuck around but when I do, I dont fuck around"
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01-14-2012, 06:46 PM	#10
JJD Lieutenant 7 Rep 436 Posts Drives: E92 335i Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Central Scotland iTrader: (0)	My wife has worked as a magician's assistant for years now. I think she has picked up a few tricks. I came home from work early today and she was in the bedroom. She said, "Abracadabra!" and my mate, Dave, came out of the wardrobe, stark naked. Poor bastard must have wondered what the fuck was going on
	Appreciate 0 Quote

01-14-2012, 06:59 PM	#11
ZURICH Major 41 Rep 1,153 Posts Drives: E91 320d Touring M Sport Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Wettingen iTrader: (0)	Dear Deidre, I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be. When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred...then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door... There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test. Deidre, should I tell my fiancee what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character? Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom? __________________ M Sport Package, (PDC), front / rear, Cruise control Mystic Blue Metallic, Beige Dakota leather, Alarm, Automatic transmission, Panoramic glass roof, Heated Seats, Lumbar etc etc "I don't Fuck around but when I do, I dont fuck around"
	Appreciate 0 Quote