swcrow wrote

Okay here's one.....

Daughter's college roommate has a college guy that has been stalking her. She's talked to her college counselor and then the college police dept. The police then talked to the boy and told him he's not allowed to be within XX feet of her. A few weeks have gone by and now said college guy is conveniently finding a way to be in her space.....library (he knows her schedule), class buildings/floor/section (again, knows her schedule) even slowly driving by her on an adjacent college road to where she's sitting on a bench...etc, etc.

What else can she legally do? Re-up the concern with the college police?

I'm not involved yet, but because of her disfunctional home life, I'm trying to act as a stand-in dad with advice.

Sedan_Clan wrote

It doesn’t sound like she has a court issued restraining order based on your summarization of events, so this is more like a campus personnel/campus police intervention; what I like to call, “the first steps”.

I would first advise her to begin keeping a log of dates/times/locations where he is presenting himself as well as the dates/times she notified school personnel and the campus police department; have her get names and titles….make people go on record. Have her present the documented details to personnel and the school police department again, and advise them they need to reconcile this issue or she will request a restraining order.

Once the restraining order is in place, one of two things will happen: a) he will either need to find another school study at immediately, or b) he will have court issued restrictions on how close he can be in proximity and any violation of that court order results in an arrest. The latter will present a difficult issue for the school to adequately monitor at all times, so it is likely they’d require him to unenroll. Faced with that threat, he may chill out, but as I’ve seen with these creeper types, they get hyper focused and fixated on the victim and it is problematic.

swcrow wrote

This great advice and I appreciate you addressing it....very good to know and I'll make sure I relay for her next steps. I agree with you and doubt it was a legal restraining order, so documentation and re-notification is in order. Based on what he's said to others, this guy is definitely hyper-fixated. I've half a mind to confront him, but it's not my daughter and I know that would be the wrong COA

how you word it matters

Sedan_Clan wrote

Any time! That’s what this thread is all about.

If possible, tell your daughter’s roommate to check with the witnesses to see if they’d be willing to provide written statements (..email is fine; the time stamps will be crucial to establish timelines). That way, if needed, she already has a paper trail of sorts.

You confronting…..correction…..addressing him isn’t necessarily a bad thing (..how you word it matters ). Merely saying to him, “Hey! It has been brought to my attention that you’ve been engaged in behavior that is making both my daughter and her roommate uncomfortable. As a father, that does not sit well with me and presents a problem that needs to be addressed. School personnel and the police department have already been informed and they have contacted you about the aforementioned behavior. My daughter, and by extension, her roommate, deserve to experience college without the discomfort caused by your behavior. I would appreciate it if you would stop creating issues. If this persists, we will have to get authorities involved - again - and escalate the legal process.”

Worded in that manner, it is direct without being threatening; it’s an appeal. That is how I would address him if it were me. There is no expectation of privacy in public, so feel free to videotape the encounter; notification is not a requirement. If he chooses to ignore your appeal, strike hard and fast within the confines of the law. Sometimes having a man get involved is enough. If you want to add a little urgency to the corrective action, show up wearing a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu t-shirt (..even if you don’t roll), providing the impression you’re a tested individual. At the very least he’ll think you can handle business if you need to. #psychologicalstrategy

swcrow wrote

Friggin love this.....very much appreciated. Well worded addressing statement that I will be utilizing. I'll relay the statements and videoing concepts. If it continues, I'll be wearing my 2ID, Airborne, OIF or other "try me" shirt during an impromptu visit to see my daughter.

Sedan_Clan wrote

The latter will present a difficult issue for the school to adequately monitor at all times, so it is likely they’d require him to unenroll.

vreihen16 wrote

From working almost 40 years in academia and looking at my calendar, I am pretty certain that the school's position at this point of the semester and academic year will be to cross their fingers for a few more weeks and hope that one or both of the parties either graduates or drops out on their own.

If they send the stalker through the student judicial process, the best case scenario would be the school telling the stalker to either drop out of be expelled. If they choose to drop out, their financial aid will still pay the school and the disciplinary action won't go on their academic record when they transfer to another school for the fall semester. At this time of year, the wheels of the student justice process won't turn fast enough to resolve the matter before the spring semester ends.

The best thing would be if the stalker is a senior that's going to graduate next month. The problem will likely resolve itself when he graduates, and the school has the option to hold his approval to walk in the graduation ceremony as a disciplinary action outside of the student judicial process. Imagine the embarrassment of having to explain to your parental units why you're suddenly not going to be at graduation!

Anyway, my $0.02 is to tell the room mate to thoroughly read her student handbook regarding codes of student conduct and reporting procedures. Thanks to Title IX, all of this stuff must be documented and provided to every single student by law. Follow the process in those docs to the letter, and don't assume that the campus police are the correct place to [...]

Sedan_Clan wrote

This is great advice.

vreihen16 wrote

Thanks. Having worked in the college/university business for almost 40 years, I'd like to think that I learned something over the years having been through the process from the other side of the student judicial table a time or ten.

April and May are the worst time of year, because the bad apples who are graduating or transferring/dropping out at the end of the spring semester will take advantage of any target of opportunity knowing that the student judicial procedure won't happen until after they're gone. Even the faculty and employees lock their desks during the work day, because purses and anything of possible value mysteriously vanishes even from private offices.

My suggestion as a parent is to instruct your student children to keep their cars, dorm rooms, and personal stuff locked up 24/7 at this time of year, and try to *always* walk in a group of friends or classmates when they are moving around outdoors between buildings and such. After dark, our campus safety folks would even organize groups to walk together or escort students if they felt uncomfortable walking alone. Take advantage of these free services if their school offers them.....

vreihen16 wrote

From working almost 40 years in academia and looking at my calendar, I am pretty certain that the school's position at this point of the semester and academic year will be to cross their fingers for a few more weeks and hope that one or both of the parties either graduates or drops out on their own.

If they send the stalker through the student judicial process, the best case scenario would be the school telling the stalker to either drop out of be expelled. If they choose to drop out, their financial aid will still pay the school and the disciplinary action won't go on their academic record when they transfer to another school for the fall semester. At this time of year, the wheels of the student justice process won't turn fast enough to resolve the matter before the spring semester ends.

The best thing would be if the stalker is a senior that's going to graduate next month. The problem will likely resolve itself when he graduates, and the school has the option to hold his approval to walk in the graduation ceremony as a disciplinary action outside of the student judicial process. Imagine the embarrassment of having to explain to your parental units why you're suddenly not going to be at graduation!

Anyway, my $0.02 is to tell the room mate to thoroughly read her student handbook regarding codes of student conduct and reporting procedures. Thanks to Title IX, all of this stuff must be documented and provided to every single student by law. Follow the process in those docs to the letter, and don't assume that the campus police are the correct place to start the process.

Another tactic that seriously works is if there's a social media group for parents of students at the school where your daughter goes. You would be surprised by how quickly a viral thread to a group of parents giving a vague warning that a nameless creep is stalking one or more girls winds up on the dean of students' desk.....

vreihen16 wrote

...will take advantage of any target of opportunity knowing that the student judicial procedure won't happen until after they're gone...

Murf the Surf wrote

Metropolitan Toronto Police Hold Up Squad. This is before my time. These guys played hard ball. There's stories about their "interview" techniques from back in the day.

Murf the Surf wrote

Metropolitan Toronto Police Hold Up Squad. This is before my time. These guys played hard ball. There's stories about their "interview" techniques from back in the day.

Buug959 wrote

What's the second guy from the left holding?

Buug959 wrote

What's the second guy from the left holding?

Murf the Surf wrote

Coming up on 10 years retired.

Sedan_Clan wrote

Chasing ER nurses or getting netted by one. lol! So much truth!!!

Murf the Surf wrote

Well, you know what they say about nurses.